This rando biotch was still in my life having convinced me she was going to be a better friend now. She was different, or at least I knew I was; so how was I still acting like a deer in headlights while she manufactured conflict into my life out of thin air, I still can’t comprehend. If walking into traffic right now would make any difference to the universe bringing us together at all, I may just.
During her stay with me I find myself seeking out life stressors that exist in my life organically, to justify to her why I was on the sudden verge of a nervous breakdown after every engagement we have. She watches me amused as I an intellectual begin to read more crestfallen, shocked and offended with her carefully choice words that are both triggering and frankly forgetting facts.
I receive cruel reprimands that invalidate me completely as I respond to her in these exchanges with protest.
She is bugging her eyes out to me at everything I do conveying a “wow”-type emotion, as if I’m unstable for doing very typical things.
I begin to loose control over my thoughts, she is the body thief. A malignant female narcissist rarely outgrowing her excessive sense of entitlement, lack of empathy and thirst for interpersonal exploitation. She has returned to me for feeding while sufficiently depleting my resources, she who has come to play.
Around a table on a rooftop in Fitzroy, it is a Friday night and a full moon. The body thief captured her audience well with her excessively contemptuous tone, disguised as friendly and engaging; evidence of her duplicity and ability to deceive. Blindly adored, she talked slowly and poetically, which was not authentic at all. She carried a conversation utterly impenetrable, you could not jump in if you tried. A couple of times, I noticed mouths open to say something, but the timing just wasn’t right combined with the body thief’s ability to completely cancel out the presences of those in the circle she was speaking to.
After a string of stories that demonstrated her blatant disregard for the boundaries of intimacy and consensual sex, she managed to sabotaged relationships, excluded entire groups of people with her politically incorrect view points and released a number of rumours, vulnerabilities and fears into the night in under 60minutes.
A third round of espressos were ordered, but I needed to burn sage, ASAP. Occasionally, I tried to laugh loudly at appropriate times in order to make my presence known, but to no avail.
Not entirely unfamiliar to this routine- she includes me into her act using admiration. Her idealised version of me is shown off to others, I am sweet-talked as she gives the table permission to like me. Her loyal follower. I am dangled like a sacrificial lamb, She exploits all social etiquettes and attentive mannered bystanders.
She speaks to me directly now, she does not blink. She waits for me to accept her overt unsolicited affirmations of affection in front of her audience. They tilt their heads unsettling in my suspension, their ears have been bleeding up until now- her chin is bloody and red dripping with the buffet of emotional labour. The table is growing weaker.
“Oh, really? Thanks..” I respond; as she nurtured my broken ego by engulfing me in a hug with her obnoxious mink fur filling my mouth as she is sanctimoniously clipping my fucking wings, confirming her own false sense of superiority, and my unrealised desire for validation from her, once more.
After multiple lulls in the obligatory small talk lending the night to a close. And without any fabricated restroom excuses or go to jokes I survived another encounter with the body thief. I laughed at the end of all her sentences, no matter what. The heartier the laugh, the better.
If you laugh hard enough, maybe you can stop yourself from slipping rapidly into existential psychosis, when you are dealing with a narcissist.
“So we reach into the raging chaos, and we pluck some small glittering thing, and we cling to it, and tell ourselves it has meaning, and that the world is good, and we are not evil, and we will all go home in the end.”