10 Ways to see into your future

1-10. Go vegan.

Zip mode forward some three centuries or such.. and vegans your uncle.

You can not escape them, they are like a growing trendy de-calcified congregation of preachy sons of peaches opinionating there good intentions all over the place like leg cocking dogs. Literally, if they could piss on a “bacon” troll they would.

Meanwhile the omnivores are genuinely interested in environmental issues and animal welfare and the order of nature and shit like that except they’re clinging desperately to an outdated premise upon which further crack pottery is heaped, ignoring the fuck load of books and documentarys they haven’t even bothered to view but just figure vegans should be included in their lean database of things to hate.

Lean data base of things to hate:

a) people that poses something that I want

2) people who have a social history or genealogy of which I illogically disapprove

c) vegans

Signed, Omni (person devoting misguided energy towards finding all the wrong things abhorrent)

Wait, don’t hate me yet. Not until I tell you my truths.

I think Kanye should be president *gasp* And in a perverse spirit of generosity having viewed some of this vegan nonsense myself in the form of actual documents and real science confirming the pending doom of humanity cos ‘hamburger’, I decided to go vegan to rake the detritus from the crazy paving we recognise as human endeavour and forge a trajectory towards the one confirmed truth that is: the world is indeed shit unless we all go vegan.

My conviction to all things are shit is now nourished on the daily. When I see a sausage funding tent outside Bunnings for a local footy club and I instantly think, I hope you all chock on that noisome self indulgent waste product resting between a diagonal bread fold of cow puss spread with onions and tomato sauce on top. Literally you are eating my children’s future fresh air, but fuck me right. Thank you so much for your donation towards deforestation, droughts and melted ice caps.

I realise intimate knowledge on my personal discontent is not desirable reading so just read the comic. It said penis *snort

Watch Cowspiracy.

imageComic Ref: http://www.vegansidekick.com

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